by Leigh-Ann Larson

I am guessing that most of us are familiar with the “Serenity Prayer”.  The first few lines of the prayer are commonly recited at the beginning or close of 12 Step recovery meetings.  It starts out as follows: “God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I always start my work day off reciting this prayer in its entirety and because of this, I thought that it would be a great way to “kick off” the first Blog series for Elevate Counseling Services. So, I will write about this prayer (in its entirety-there is more to it than mentioned above) and I will tie in some themes and patterns I have seen in my counseling work that I often ponder as I recite this prayer, reflect on my coming work day and process the journey at days’ end.

Today I am going to focus on the line “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change.” I think we can all be in agreement that there is A LOT that we need to accept that we can not change. Indeed, an important tenant of recovery programs is that people in recovery need to accept that they are utterly POWERLESS over people, places and things.  From my perspective as a counselor, and a counselor who is a Christian at that, I think that we are all in recovery from something. Hence, that “powerlessness idea” works well for all of us.

It is a common occurrence that I ask my clients to share with me those things in their lives that they are powerless over. Those things that they would like to change but can’t seem to make progress with. This is usually followed by the “eye roll” or the “chuckle”, occasionally the exasperated sigh. And then the discussion begins: the job, the kids, the money situation, the spouse or the lack of a spouse, you name it, it gets mentioned. And I ask my clients to bring these areas of powerlessness into the room so that we can have the important discussion. I reflect, “if you are powerless over all of these things, which I am in agreement with, what then do you have the ability to exert your power over? What is in your power to change?”

Now the response to this is often the lengthiest silence in the room for the day. Sometimes I get, the “deer caught in the headlights look”, another exasperated sigh or a defiant NOTHING. To which, I prod the client along to think some more about this very important issue: our ability to change and what that entails. Eventually, my client gets around to an answer that is some variation of “me?”.  And we delve into what aspect of “myself” do I actually have the ability to accept my power to change?

I have discovered a few noteworthy things that I would like to pass on to you today that seem universal to most of us:

  • I have the power to change the way that I respond to life.
  • I have the power to set limits and not accept unacceptable behavior (from myself or others).
  • I have the power to make decisions to do things differently (self care, career, parenting, relationships).
  • I have the power to choose to live in darkness (fear) or light (love).

I encourage you to think about where your power lies. Perhaps journal your thoughts about the 4 examples above. What do you have the ability to change? What do you need to “let go of and let God” take care of? I would love to hear what you have to say.