By: Leigh-Ann Larson, M.Ed., LMHC Founder, Elevate Counseling Services   Today I found myself looking out the window and truly appreciating the way the sun backlit the abundance of the summer greenery that I was viewing.  The play of shadow and light on the shrubbery enthralled me. Really. In the midst of my appreciation of this…leaf….a little Finch came climbing into my view (upside down, mind you) in search of, breakfast I suppose. I was overcome with appreciation. I consider birds, in general, to be what some would call my “animal totem”. I love the innocence, the intuition and the freedom of flight that birds enjoy. I love their connectedness to each other, their ecosystem and their knowledge of all that they need to know: nothing more and nothing less. As I was paying attention to this little magnificent being pecking about outside my window, I realize that I was holding gratitude and appreciation at my center in a way that happens all too infrequently. I noted that I should not withhold this type of appreciation for the scenic view, which I  find myself in on vacation, for example,  but rather, appreciate the beauty as it abounds all around me in everyday life.  It is needless to wait for momentous occasions to experience gratitude for the beauty of this world. When we open our eyes, hearts, ears and minds to the glory that IS life, in all of its forms, we can then begin to experience that prayerful connection in all of life. In praying intention, there is a depth of goodness, righteousness (right thinking) that brings gratitude in every little response we have to the natural world that has been created for our enjoyment.   What do you pay attention to? Is there appreciation in these things? What do you want to place more of your attention on? Will this bless you? What steps do you need to take to make this happen? Is there anything preventing you from increasing your ability to pray attention?   Affirmation:  I pray attention to the tiny details. I allow for my heart to smile and for my mind to follow suit. I am grateful.

by Leigh-Ann Larson, M.Ed., LMHC:  Founder, Elevate Counseling Services   “Abide in Love and Abound in Life”. To abide means to “stick with it” and to “not stray from”. Abiding offers a direction, a purpose or target to aim at. Suggesting that we abide in love presumes that there is another option, another choice to make. As I’ve experienced it: the choice we are give to make is: do we live from love or do we live from a place of  Fear. My favorite acrostic for FEAR is “False, Emotions (or Evidence) Appearing Real. There are times when emotions will overwhelm our ability to think things through, it is at these times when Fear takes over.  When this happens, however, it is possible to open our eyes and find that we are standing is an abyss of chaos, anger, depression or anxiety that is largely self-imposed. In those times, it is important to make a conscious choice to step out of that space and to get on with the task of enjoying life. (by choosing to be IN JOY). If we can focus on staying in Love and out of Fear, we are less likely to fall into the abyss.  In order to do this, we must take action and making choices for joy. A new acrostic for life may look like this: “Laughter Influences Fear Eternally”. A jovial laugh can ring through the mire of everything other than love and send you right back into the place where life abounds: Joy. When we find ourselves in fear, we have a choice to stay there or to change the static of fear to the clear ringing tones of love – via laughter. Grab a friend, a comedian, a you-tube video…anything that can bring you into laughter and get on with the joy of living!   Do you love to laugh? What makes you laugh? Who brings laughter into your life? (Who is the life of your party?) What are you in fear of right now? (what false emotions are pushing you around?) How can you bring laughter with you, into those fear-filled moments? What prevents you from laughing? What steps can you take right now toward laughter?   Affirmation: I choose to live in joy, I choose to live in laughter. I choose to live  in love.  

    by: Leigh-Ann Larson, M.Ed., LMHC Founder, Elevate Counseling Services   It often times may feel like a lonely, isolated day, moment or even life-time. However, we all bring ourselves with us, everywhere we go. There is an aspect of self, some call it the Holy Spirit, our divinity, our eternal or Higher self.  When we connect with this aspect of being, ALONE, never really exists. Setting our thoughts on being connected to others and then allowing action to flow from that place by getting involved in community, activity or ministry (sharing our lives with others) diminishes those feelings of being isolated or alone. When engaging with others, we allow for a deep affinity for and toward connecting with others. Likewise, when we find ourselves alone, we can savor those times through reflective or active connection with in self. Great ways to connect and express, to enjoy and learn from our inner selves include solitary self-expression through: art, music, gardening, journaling, connecting with nature under the shade of a tree or the shoreline of your favorit beach.  Any hobbies, interests or endeavors that engage, excite or ignite you are perfect vehicles for connection. We recognize, develop and re-create self one moment at a time when we embrace our responses to life: through time with others and more-so in the depth of that time of self-exploration in solitude we find we are never truly alone. Where do you find the communities of people that you engage with and find support from? What are your leisure hobbies, interests and activities? If you would take one step in the direction of increasing your enjoyment of connection would it be in connecting with self or connecting with others? What one goal could you set in this moment to help you take a step toward making that connection? Is there anything that would prevent you from accomplishing this goal? If so, is there a way to overcome this barrier or is there a better goal for you at this time?   Affirmation: I enjoy life. Whether connecting with in self or with others, I am never alone.  

By Kimberly Hollister “Healthy Boundaries are not walls. They are the gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden” Boundaries are an important part of self-care. When we haven’t developed a strong sense of self (our purpose, boundaries and values) and ways to communicate our feelings then we start to bend to other people’s needs. The term codependency originated in the recovery community to explain the enabling and maladaptive behaviors to help cope with the emotional pain of loved one’s addiction; however, the term codependency has spread beyond the world of recovery. It is when in any type of relationship (romantic, friendship, work) there is an emotional fusion that occurs and the person’s sense of self starts to disappear in order to merge with another. When you can’t identify when your boundaries end and the others begin. When boundaries start becoming one in the relationship this is when the relationship becomes toxic for both people involved. Setting boundaries is not a selfish act but a self-care action. The act of setting boundaries takes courage and a strong sense of self. In my experience the work around boundaries ties into the work around self-love. In any relationship you should be able to say “no” and this not change the foundation of the relationship. In codependent relationships one person fears by setting clear boundaries that they risk losing their loved one. If this is the case, the relationship is unhealthy for both parties.The work involves supporting clients in discovering their own power and it interlaces with the work around self-love. Developing the belief that you are worthy of a loving and supportive relationship. Articles to read about ways to create boundaries: “Four Ways to Set Boundaries” by Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/201508/4-ways-set-boundaries “Seven Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others” by Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201511/7-tips-create-healthy-boundaries-others   Recommended Books: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie The Gifts of Imperfections by Brene Brown The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

by Kimberly Hollister Over two years ago I started my journey of self-­‐love and I was given the opportunity to participate in a training called “The Gratitude Training” stationed in Florida. The training provided  me with the tools to see myself as “whole, perfect and complete” and this was my turning point in truly living self­‐love. For many of the individuals that I have had the pleasure to work with in their journey of self-­‐discovery we have found that their missing piece is self-­‐love. It’s like what the flight attendant says on the airplane “please make sure that your oxygen mask is on first” because how could you possible save someone else while you are struggling to breathe. This same concept can be applied to everyday life. How can you love someone, if you cannot love yourself? The first step is to see yourself as you already are. Whole, Perfect and Complete. I do not believe that people need to be “fixed”. My purpose is to guide the person to see them as I do. If you start seeing yourself as worthy of love then the universe will start bringing people into your life that align with your positive way of thinking. Thoughts are currency and the power of thought can be life changing. To truly believe in the depth of your soul that you are whole, perfect and complete will start attracting experiences that align with this way of thinking. Tips to creating self-­‐love: Practice Self-­‐care Respect your uniqueness and allow your authenticity to shine Practice gratitude for yourself and your body Forgive Yourself, there are not failures but only lessons     Books that I have found helpful:   “I Thought It was Me (but it isn’t)”: Brene Brown   “Daring Greatly”: Brene Brown   “You are a Badass: How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life”: Jen Sincero   Videos:   “Power of Vulnerability”   “Raising Your Self-­‐Worth”      For more information on Gratitude Training visit www.gratitudetraining.com

by Leigh-Ann Larson From what I have seen, heard and lived, wisdom is a choice. Actually, wisdom is a collection of many choices, made all day long, every day. It is a “way of being in the world.’ And sadly, making mistakes is the only vehicle to gaining wisdom. Mistakes are made, consequences earned and the next time around, a different decision is made, with better outcomes. This, in a nutshell is wisdom. Gaining wisdom can be a very painful process. But it doesn’t have to be. Here are the observations that I have made about the two roads to wisdom: The first is more painful than the latter. The first, is that we personally make mistakes, suffer consequences and the next time we are faced with this same decision we (hopefully) make a different choice that does not have a painful consequence. Wonderful, wisdom is gained! The second, less painful road to wisdom: we learn from the mistakes of others, see their consequences, and personally decide that if we ever have to make that choice, we will do it differently. This decision is not made in judgement toward the person who made the error, but rather in discernment based on the life we want to build. When we gain wisdom by observing consequences in the lives of others, there is an opportunity to live a less “painful” life. And isn’t that the goal, to live with the least amount of pain and suffering as possible? Wisdom is the vehicle in which we can reduce self-induced suffering. This is why talking to a counselor can be so helpful. Counselors have insight into themes and patterns in life that can help normalize your experiences, validate your choices and point out the “red flags” along the way. Your counselor is a listener, your counselor is a keeper of stories and these stores have immeasurable wisdom. There other ways to gain this insight as well: hiring a coach or consultant, joining a network of people that have similar experiences that you are looking to explore. Belonging to professional associations or on-line groups or list serves that discuss issues that are relevant to your personal or professional life are also wonderful ways to gain wisdom. Here is my encouragement to you to build your wise, least painful life: Surround yourself with people that you consider wise- personally and professionally. Ask a lot of questions before making any big decisions. Read up on your options and interview mentors. Practice making good choices, based on the observations you have made and the wise advise that you have been given by those that you trust to be wise. Take the blinders off and with your “eyes wide open” accept the consequences that come from the decisions you make: ultimately, all choices lead us to the road of “wise mind.” My hope for you (and me) is that one decision at a time, we can be our wisest selves in every moment of every day!

by Leigh-Ann Larson In my previous post we discussed needing serenity and acceptance for the MULTITUDE of “people, place and things” we are not going to be able to change. And that ultimately, the only thing that we can change is ourselves and how we respond in the world.  So, how do we muster up the knowledge of what, exactly, needs to be changed in our lives? I think taking an orderly approach to answering this question is a good idea: so lets look at PEMS. PEMS stands for the 4 “parts” of a person that makes up the whole of our human experience. P is for physical: our bodies and self care: sleep, nutrition, exercise, hydration, hygiene, etc. E is for the Emotional: this aspect of our lives manifests in our relationships with other people. Our family members, friends, acquaintances, professional relationships, etc. M is for our “mental body”, or our thought life. Thoughts can lead us into the deep waters of depression, anxiety, low self-worth or they can bolster and encourage us on our life journey. The final letter S represents our spiritual self. For some this means our belief in God, our relationship with that creator, our spiritual and/or religious practices. S can also represent our creativity that “flow state” that people often experience when “work is play” or they are expressing themselves creatively or artistically.   I encourage my clients to look at their lives through this lens of PEMS. This is a touch point for self-care, to determine where our counseling work needs to start. It is important to know what our strengths are when it comes to PEMS and what are limitations are. It is when we explore this that we can discover what needs to change. So I encourage you to take an inventory to determine where it is you need to find courage to make some changes.  Start with your physical body: how is your diet, your exercise, your sleep? Are you attending your doctor appointments, taking prescribed medications as your doctor suggests? Are you experiencing your sexuality in a physically, emotionally and spiritually safe way? Write out a list of your strengths and a list of your limitations, things that need to be changed. Now look at your emotional life. How are your relationships with family members? Do you feel loved and are you loving? Do you feel that you need to invest more time and energy into your relationships with family and friends? Do you have “psychic vampires in your life”? These are people who drain your energy, create drama or suck you into gossip? (Are you the psychic vampire)? How about “emotional zombies?” These are people who are cold, aloof, make you feel badly about yourself and leave you feeling isolated and alone. Write about the quality of your relationships, good and bad. Do you seen anything that you need to change for your emotional well being? Next up is the Mental inventory. Are your thoughts bringing you down or are you a chronic worrier? Do you talk badly to yourself about yourself-have negative self talk that leaves you feeling like a mistake or worthless?  Or do you have coping strategies in your thought life where you are able to catch negative self talk and re-frame it with positive? Here is a good way to find out what your mental life looks like: write down 10 things that you love about yourself. If that is a struggle, your thought life may need to be changed. And lastly, is your spiritual life.  No matter what religion, all religions believe that we are made in the image of our creator. With that said, it makes sense, that when we are creating, we are as close to our “God nature” (however we define that) as we can possibly be. So ask yourself this- do you have any creative outlets? What are they? Do you have frequent opportunities to be creative? Also important to Spiritual health is Faith life and beliefs.  Ask yourself the following questions. Are you engaging in a community with other people that share your sense of self in the world? Do you participate in the practices of your religion? Are you thinking and acting in ways that are congruent with your spiritual life? Answer these questions and you will have an idea where you stand on this issue and will be able to determine what changes you may need to make. If you do the above exercises and answer these questions by taking stock in your PEMS health, you will have a good understanding of where you are going to need to get some courage, and what you are going to need to change.  In the end, remember this….the ONLY thing that you can change, is the way that your respond to the answers that you came up with. Ultimately, the question of changes comes down to this: Do I need to make changes in they way I take care of my physical body? Do I need to make changes in my relationships and how I respond to people in order to improve my emotional well being? Do I need to change my thought life so that I do not allow depression and worry take over my life or re-work my sense of self so that I can be all I was created to be? And lastly, do I need to change things in my life in order to enhance my spiritual well-being? When you answer these questions, it becomes clear why we need COURAGE…if we are being honest, we all have things that need to be changed if we are to improve our PEMS health. But FEAR NOT for, as author and speaker Joyce Meyers loves to say “I may not be where I am supposed to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be.” And to that I will say. AMEN!

by Leigh-Ann Larson I am guessing that most of us are familiar with the “Serenity Prayer”.  The first few lines of the prayer are commonly recited at the beginning or close of 12 Step recovery meetings.  It starts out as follows: “God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” I always start my work day off reciting this prayer in its entirety and because of this, I thought that it would be a great way to “kick off” the first Blog series for Elevate Counseling Services. So, I will write about this prayer (in its entirety-there is more to it than mentioned above) and I will tie in some themes and patterns I have seen in my counseling work that I often ponder as I recite this prayer, reflect on my coming work day and process the journey at days’ end. Today I am going to focus on the line “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change.” I think we can all be in agreement that there is A LOT that we need to accept that we can not change. Indeed, an important tenant of recovery programs is that people in recovery need to accept that they are utterly POWERLESS over people, places and things.  From my perspective as a counselor, and a counselor who is a Christian at that, I think that we are all in recovery from something. Hence, that “powerlessness idea” works well for all of us. It is a common occurrence that I ask my clients to share with me those things in their lives that they are powerless over. Those things that they would like to change but can’t seem to make progress with. This is usually followed by the “eye roll” or the “chuckle”, occasionally the exasperated sigh. And then the discussion begins: the job, the kids, the money situation, the spouse or the lack of a spouse, you name it, it gets mentioned. And I ask my clients to bring these areas of powerlessness into the room so that we can have the important discussion. I reflect, “if you are powerless over all of these things, which I am in agreement with, what then do you have the ability to exert your power over? What is in your power to change?” Now the response to this is often the lengthiest silence in the room for the day. Sometimes I get, the “deer caught in the headlights look”, another exasperated sigh or a defiant NOTHING. To which, I prod the client along to think some more about this very important issue: our ability to change and what that entails. Eventually, my client gets around to an answer that is some variation of “me?”.  And we delve into what aspect of “myself” do I actually have the ability to accept my power to change? I have discovered a few noteworthy things that I would like to pass on to you today that seem universal to most of us: I have the power to change the way that I respond to life. I have the power to set limits and not accept unacceptable behavior (from myself or others). I have the power to make decisions to do things differently (self care, career, parenting, relationships). I have the power to choose to live in darkness (fear) or light (love). I encourage you to think about where your power lies. Perhaps journal your thoughts about the 4 examples above. What do you have the ability to change? What do you need to “let go of and let God” take care of? I would love to hear what you have to say.